Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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