I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I am morally bankrupt
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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