You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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