Soap is not a condiment
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The uberlube is also flammable
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
