so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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