apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
