Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
