P.S. I can't hear my feet
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
