The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
