You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
