Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
