I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
