If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
