Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We need to rekindle our bromance
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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