and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
