Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize