she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
