If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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