Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We left an ass print on the piano.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
