I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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