And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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