remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
