CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
