umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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