I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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