I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
