Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
