and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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