I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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