your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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