drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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