I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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