His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
