that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
