so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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