All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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