a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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