i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
