Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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