I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
