It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
