It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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