I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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