Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
