but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
