Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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