They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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