Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
