The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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