...so i touched it.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His nipple licking is glorious
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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