What a fucking waste of an outfit
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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