he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
