New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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