My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
