I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Two words: blizzard sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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