Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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