he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
