I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
