I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
