My liver just broke up with me...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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