As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My legs feel like baby dolphins
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
