i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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