I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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