you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is Oprah even human
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
