Im at strip club and am horny
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
