They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing