To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school