My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.