last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.