My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
