well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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