so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
