And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
