she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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