I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
