I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
