We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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