So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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