So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
