I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
