Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
