can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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