True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
