I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
