Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
