So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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