his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
