Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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