you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
