I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
