You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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