There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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