It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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