Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
