am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
